Something about subtraction just doesn’t add up.
Me: “Doctor Doctor I keep singing Green Green Grass of Home. Is that normal?”
Doctor: “Its not unusual”
A hardened criminal stole my Viagra. 🙁
UK: Ripped apart by Brexit
Asia: Caught in an economic arms race between China and the US
Europe: Wrestling with terrorism and a resurgent Russia
USA: More divided than any time since the Civil War
Did you hear about the cannibal who perfected cloning?
He ended up so full of himself.
How do you know when a bunch of Poms have landed at Sydney Airport?
You can still hear the whining when Qantas switches the engine off!
[in the office]
Me: who wants to hear a joke about ghosts?
Colleagues: No! Enough! No more Dad Jokes!
Me: That’s the spirit!
My boss must really think a lot of me, because he even says the work i haven’t done is outstanding!
I hear its easy to convince the ladies not to eat Tide pods.
But its harder to deter gents.
Client: What’s a hard drive?
Me: Brissie to Perth, in a Torana, during the summer, with the kids in the back, and no aircon.