I forgot to take a $20 note out of my pants before washing, and I was arrested for money laundering.
Applied to join the Police last week but wasn’t successful.
To be fair I didn’t know all the words to Roxanne.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
Chinese proverb: Man run behind bus get exhausted man run in front of bus gets tired.
Why did the bees go on strike?
They wanted more honey and shorter flowers.
My bank are a bunch of cheeky gits.
They phoned to see if my debit card has been stolen as there was an unusual transaction.
I had bought a gym membership.
My surgeon is a right comedian.
He had me in stitches the other day.
What’s a bachelor?
Someone who never Mrs. anyone.
I was offered a job at Tinder but I’m not sure if it’s a good match.
Why don’t you tell jokes to ducks?
They’ll quack up.