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Recent Posts - page 2

• The Ashes: English Batsman

  By Simon Harvey on 5 July 2019

  Did you hear that the English batsman couldn’t understand how he got out? He was stumped. Then he tried to bail.  

• Dalek Egg Timer

  By Simon Harvey on 5 July 2019

  I’ve got a Dalek egg timer. After four minutes it screams “eggs terminate… eggs terminate…”  

• Bird Watching

  By Simon Harvey on 14 June 2019

  Just spotted Sinead O’Connor bird-watching. I asked how she was getting on. She said, “so far it’s been 7 owls and 15 jays”.

• Hot in Australia

  By Simon Harvey on 10 April 2019

  You know its hot in Australia when… The best parking spot is determined by shade not distance Hot water comes out of both taps You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron The temperature drops… Read More ›

• Mind Power

  By Simon Harvey on 10 April 2019

  Have I told you about the time I tied my shoe laces with only the power of my mind? Thought knot.

• Scottish Accent

  By Simon Harvey on 10 April 2019

  I was doing a crossword in the pub and said to my Scottish mate Tony, “I’m stuck on one across: trapped on a desert island eight letters starting with M.” He said, “Marooned.” I said, “Thank you. Ill have a… Read More ›

• ABBA Tribute Band

  By Simon Harvey on 10 April 2019

  That ABBA tribute band was loud last night. You could hear the drums from Nandos.

• Job Interview Tips

  By Simon Harvey on 10 April 2019

  Interviewer: What would you consider one of your strengths? Me: I perform under pressure Interviewer: Can you give me an example? Me: *deep breath* Mmbabade Um bum ba de Um bububum da de PRESSURE pushing down on me    

• Fifty Shades of Gravy

  By Simon Harvey on 8 April 2019

  I’ve just written my first novel, “Fifty Shades of Gravy.” It’s very saucy.

• Tinnitus Helpline

  By Simon Harvey on 8 April 2019

  Tried calling the tinnitus helpline. No answer. Just kept ringing.

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