Dropping Latin phrases into conversations to sound smart… That’s my modus operandi.
Dad Jokes
Confession
I’ve done some TERRIBLE things for money. Like getting up early to go to work.
Napkins
Which country was once run by napkins? The Serviette Union. Just Putin it out there.
Doppelgänger
I thought I saw my doppelgänger but he just looked like one.
The Ashes: English Batsman
Did you hear that the English batsman couldn’t understand how he got out? He was stumped. Then he tried to bail.
Dalek Egg Timer
I’ve got a Dalek egg timer. After four minutes it screams “eggs terminate… eggs terminate…”
Bird Watching
Just spotted Sinead O’Connor bird-watching. I asked how she was getting on. She said, “so far it’s been 7 owls and 15 jays”.
Hot in Australia
You know its hot in Australia when… The best parking spot is determined by shade not distance Hot water comes out of both taps You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron The temperature drops… Read More ›
Mind Power
Have I told you about the time I tied my shoe laces with only the power of my mind? Thought knot.
Scottish Accent
I was doing a crossword in the pub and said to my Scottish mate Tony, “I’m stuck on one across: trapped on a desert island eight letters starting with M.” He said, “Marooned.” I said, “Thank you. Ill have a… Read More ›