I’ve got a Dalek egg timer. After four minutes it screams “eggs terminate… eggs terminate…”
Wordplay
Mind Power
Have I told you about the time I tied my shoe laces with only the power of my mind? Thought knot.
Scottish Accent
I was doing a crossword in the pub and said to my Scottish mate Tony, “I’m stuck on one across: trapped on a desert island eight letters starting with M.” He said, “Marooned.” I said, “Thank you. Ill have a… Read More ›
ABBA Tribute Band
That ABBA tribute band was loud last night. You could hear the drums from Nandos.
Job Interview Tips
Interviewer: What would you consider one of your strengths? Me: I perform under pressure Interviewer: Can you give me an example? Me: *deep breath* Mmbabade Um bum ba de Um bububum da de PRESSURE pushing down on me
Fifty Shades of Gravy
I’ve just written my first novel, “Fifty Shades of Gravy.†It’s very saucy.
Tinnitus Helpline
Tried calling the tinnitus helpline. No answer. Just kept ringing.
Army of Babies
What do you call an army of babies? An infantry!
Wig Theft
A truck load of wigs has just been stolen from Queens Plaza in Brisbane’s CBD. Queensland Police are combing the area.
Fireworks
If you don’t use your fireworks by the “best before” date, do they go off?