I thought I saw my doppelgänger but he just looked like one.
Dad Jokes
The Ashes: English Batsman
Did you hear that the English batsman couldn’t understand how he got out? He was stumped. Then he tried to bail.
Dalek Egg Timer
I’ve got a Dalek egg timer. After four minutes it screams “eggs terminate… eggs terminate…”
Bird Watching
Just spotted Sinead O’Connor bird-watching. I asked how she was getting on. She said, “so far it’s been 7 owls and 15 jays”.
Hot in Australia
You know its hot in Australia when… The best parking spot is determined by shade not distance Hot water comes out of both taps You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron The temperature drops… Read More ›
Mind Power
Have I told you about the time I tied my shoe laces with only the power of my mind? Thought knot.
Scottish Accent
I was doing a crossword in the pub and said to my Scottish mate Tony, “I’m stuck on one across: trapped on a desert island eight letters starting with M.” He said, “Marooned.” I said, “Thank you. Ill have a… Read More ›
ABBA Tribute Band
That ABBA tribute band was loud last night. You could hear the drums from Nandos.
Job Interview Tips
Interviewer: What would you consider one of your strengths? Me: I perform under pressure Interviewer: Can you give me an example? Me: *deep breath* Mmbabade Um bum ba de Um bububum da de PRESSURE pushing down on me
Fifty Shades of Gravy
I’ve just written my first novel, “Fifty Shades of Gravy.†It’s very saucy.