Why We Curse, Bloody Aye and Origin of the word Pom

I always wanted to find an fucking excuse for fucking swearing on my blog. And now thanks to digg I’ve fucking found one. There’s a great fucking article at TNR on Why We Curse, adding to the debate from a psycological and historical perspective. Fucking brilliant.

Here in Australia swearing is part of the national psyche, culture and language. Who can forget the Where The Bloody Hell Are You? tourism campaign (you can see the original uncensored advert online) that caused so much controversy across the world due to the use of the word Bloody (the word is standard language here and is not even a swear word)? It even got the advert banned in the UK, and the bloody Yanks tried to ban it, but in an act of pure bloody genius, Tourism Australia made the news headlines across the world with the advert and so got the advert played for free on all of the news channels, including the BBC.

Of course, Aussies thought this was hilarious and spoofed it themselves, as you can see here, on the Chasers’ War on the ABC, for the traditional Pom*-bashing when getting ready for the Ashes 2007 Series (btw … 5-0 … lol) and in a recent advert for Chicken Kiev where a young girl shows how she learned how to swear.

Of course we do have standards -its very rare you’ll hear the “c” word anywhere, but everywhere you go you will hear people refering to others as fuckwits or telling them to ga’an get facked mate.

* Pom is Australian for “English Person” and not a racist term, but part of the language. Much debate exists on its origin, but its commonly accepted to stand for “Prisoner of Her Majesty” or “Prisoner of Mass Origin”. But, to be honest, its more accurate just to say that its just an acronym for the full phrase Whinging Pommy Bastard.

Australian Citizenship Test II

and another one that I got sent, to follow on from yesterday

Application for Grant of Australian Citizenship

You must answer 75% (28 or more out of 37) of these questions correctly in order to qualify for Australian Citizenship

  1. How many slabs can you fit in the back of a Falcon Ute while also allowing room for your cattle dog?
  2. When packing an Esky do you put the ice, or the beer, in first?
  3. Is the traditional Aussie Christmas dinner:
    • At least two roasted meats with roast vegetables, followed by a pudding you could use as a cannonball. Also ham. In 40C heat.
    • A seafood buffet followed by a barbie, with rather a lot of booze. And ham. In 40C heat.
    • Both of the above, one at lunchtime and one at dinnertime. Weather continues fine.
  4. How many beers in a slab?
  5. You call that a knife, this is a knife. True or False?
  6. Does yeah-nah mean:
    • “Yes and no”
    • “Maybe”
    • “Yes I understand but No I don’t agree”?
  7. The phrases “strewth” and “flamin’ dingo” can be attributed to which TV character?
    • Toadie from Neighbours
    • Alf from Home & Away
    • Agro from Agro’s Cartoon Connection
    • Sgt. Tom Croydon from Blue Heelers?
  8. When cooking a barbecue do you turn the sausages
    • Once or twice
    • As often as necessary to cook
    • After each stubby
    • Until charcoal?
  1. Name three of the Daddo brothers.
  2. Who was the original lead singer of AC/DC?
  3. Which option describes your ideal summer afternoon:
    • Drinking beer at a mate’s place
    • Drinking beer at the beach
    • Drinking beer watching the cricket/footy
    • Drinking beer at a mate’s place while watching the cricket before going to the beach?
  4. Would you eat pineapple on pizza? Would you eat egg on a pizza?
  5. How many cans of beer did David Boon consume on a plane trip from Australia to England?
  6. How many stubbies is it from Brissy to the Gold Coast in a Torana travelling at 120km/h?
  7. Who are Scott and Charlene?
  8. How do you apply your tomato sauce to a pie?
    • Squirt and spread with finger
    • Sauce injection straight into the middle?
  9. If the police raided your home would you:
    • Allow them to rummage through your personal items
    • Phone up the nearest talkback radio shock jock and complain
    • Put a written complaint in to John Howard and hope that he answers it personally?
  10. Which Australian Prime Minister held the world record for drinking a yardie full of beer the fastest?
  11. Have you ever had/do you have a mullet?
  12. Thongs are:
  13. Skimpy underwear
  14. Casual footwear
  15. They’re called jandals, bro?
  16. On which Ashes tour did Warnie’s hair look the best?
    • 1993
    • 1997
    • 2001
    • 2005
  17. What someone is more likely to die of:
    • Red Back Spider
    • Great White Shark
    • Victorian Police Officer
    • King Brown Snake
    • Your missus after a big night
    • Dropbear?
  18. How many times must a steak be turned on a conventional four-burner barbie?
  19. Can you sing along to Cold Chisel’s Khe Sanh?
  20. Explain both the “follow-on” and “LBW” rules in cricket and discuss the pros and cons for the third umpire decisions in the latter….
  21. Name at least 5 items that must be taken to a BBQ.
  22. Who is current Australian test cricket captain:
    • Ricky Ponting
    • Don Bradman
    • John Howard
    • Makybe Diva?
  23. Is it best to chuck a sickie on:
    • When the cricket’s on
    • When the cricket’s on
    • When the cricket’s on?
  24. What animal is on the Bundaberg Rum bottle?
  25. What is the difference between a pot and a middy of beer?
  26. What are Budgie smugglers?
  27. What brand and size of Esky will you be purchasing?
  28. Did you cry when Molly died on a Country Practice?
  29. A “Hoppoate” is:
      • A breed of kangaroo
    • A kind of Australian “wedgie”?
    • A disgraced Rugby League player?
    • What does having a ‘chunder’ mean?
    • When you were young did you prefer the Hills Hoist over any swing set?
    • What does the terminology ‘True Blue’ mean?

    For Office Use Only[] In[] Out[] Can Have Another Crack at it

    Australian Citizenship Test I

    Now that Australia has introduced a Citizenship Exam (presumably to stop freaks that refuse to adopt the local culture and way of life like this fuckwit) , there has been widespread public concern about what is being tested, especially as most Aussies have no bloody idea what most of the answers would be. More information can be found in the Government’s Official Guide, but prospective Australians should also be prepared for questions such as the following:

    1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term died in the arse?
    2. What is a bloody little beauty?
    3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?
    4. Explain the following passage: In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo.
    5. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?
    6. Complete the following sentences:
      1. If the van’s rockin’ don’t bother ____ ?
      2. You’re going home in the back of a ____ ?
      3. Fair crack of the ____ ?
    7. I’ve had a gutful and I can’t be fagged. Discuss
    8. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?
    9. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard ‘up on blocks’? Is his name Bruce and does he have a wife called Cheryl?
    10. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?
    11. What are the ingredients in a rissole?
    12. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.
    13. Do you have an Aunty Irene who smokes 30 cigarettes a day and sounds like a bloke?
    14. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else’s beer that has been flogged from a bath full of ice?
    15. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people’s meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?
    16. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter ‘b’ is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?
    17. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?
    18. Is it possible to ‘prang a car’ while doing ‘circle work’?
    19. Who would you like to crack on to?
    20. Who is the most Australian:
      1. Kevin ‘Bloody’ Wilson
      2. John ‘True Blue’ Williamson
      3. Kylie Minogue, or
      4. Warnie?
    21. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool?
    22. What does sinkin piss at a mates joint and getten para mean?

    Opinion: Daylight Savings Time in SE Queensland

    The issue of Daylight Savings Time for South-East Queensland has continually dogged the State Government and local pollies, including the new premier, Anna Bligh.

    It is a very controversial topic. Indeed having lived in South East Queensland for a couple of years now, I know how much of a pain it is to get woken up by the strong sun at 5.30am and for it to be night again by 6pm. And, given our physical location of just above the 30 degree latitude, these times remain approximately the same throughout the year.

    The pro-DST lobby, on the other hand, cite the cost to local businesses for not being “in sync” with businesses and government in Sydney, Melbourne and Canberra; the personal cost to people who have to go to work meetings in those cities when they observe DST (i.e. they have to take the 5am flight out of Brisbane instead of the 6am flight to arrive on time … which generally means having to fly down the night before); and the impact it has in general health-wise on the population of the Gold Coast, Brisbane and the Sunshine Coast.

    The anti-daylight savings time lobby, predominately those from the Tropical and Regional areas, have some good arguments against implementing it; mostly complaining about Brisbanites and Business continually whining until they get their way. To her credit, Anna Bligh has decided that there will no longer be a referendum on this, as she needs to govern the whole of Queensland, and not just the South-East corner.

    I personally am divided on this issue. On the one hand, it would be a lot nicer to have a beer after work as night falls; and not having to wake up early due to the bright sunlight or having to catch a stupidly early flight to comply with Qantas’ and Virgin’s view to schedule their flights around Mexican Standard Time (erm – sorry I mean Daylight Savings Time in NSW and VIC). But on the other hand, in Tropical and Regional QLD the introduction of DST would impact their communities even worse. Apparently, the curtains would fade faster and the cows would get confused.

    I guess just because of my tounge-in-cheek anti-Southern State views I guess I would have to oppose the introduction of DST, I mean how can anyone like a sport where two teams just kick the ball to each other? And of course, it certainly puts Queensland on the map of the world, we officially have our own time zone (UTC+1000 Brisbane).

    Still, a great article from a pro-DST journo which claims in the 273-page Government Report into the issue:

    […] showed the reasons some people were against moving clocks forward were as petty as ‘it would be no benefit to me’.

    One woman said it just meant her husband would stay in the pub longer and, despite Premier Anna Bligh’s denials, some farmers were still concerned their livestock would get confused.

    I would just love to see this report, but not been able to find it. Can anyone who does post a link?

    If a couple of hundred retirees in the outback have blocked Daylight Savings Time just because they want to stop hubby staying in the pub longer and the cows getting confused, I would be p!ssing myself laughing about that for the rest of the week.

    The Truth – Dropbears are NOT Koalas, and DO exist!

    Koalas are part and parcel of the Aussie bush. They’re not that bad,stoned probably,but it really is the dropbears (affectionally known as droppies to the natives) you’ve got to worry about …

    More about droppies for those who don’t know about them:

    There are many other sites about dropbears, most of which disclaim the fact that they exist at all. Let’s be honest about this. Dropbears do exist, but given the Australian Government is concerned for the welfare of our strong tourism industry, they try many forms of discrediting the fact that exist, such as the rubbish on here (the disclaimer), editing Wikipedia, and so on. Indeed, the most accurate description I have found is here.

    I have a dropbear near where I live in southern QLD, she’s a juvenile (would say about 3 or 4 years old) and she’s started to attack dingos and small animals. It won’t be long before she starts to attack foreigners, in particular Mexicans (by which I mean those Australians from South of the Border – Victorians, Canberrains and New South Welshman), Kiwis, Poms and, for some strange reason, people from Tierra del Fuego.

    Contrary to popular belief, they’re not so keen on Americans, maybe there’s too much fat in there and not enough meat. Also, the Irish are safe due to their high Iron and Alcohol content. To remain safe, all you need to do is smear Vegemite onto your nose, as they can’t stand the taste of that stuff either.

    BTW – the “dropbear” in the Bundaberg Rum advert is not a real dropbear, but is different Aussie Icon, the Bundy Bear. I guess they were too scared to get a real one

    Chasers War on Sydney APEC Security: The Video

    It was aired last night on the ABC. Media reports say that over 2.3 million people watched it last night, just in the Capital Cities alone. Which, I find amazing given that this is over 10% of the Australian population, and Wednesday evenings are usually reserved for the pub quiz or a barbie.

    Those of you in Australia can download the full episode from the ABC, those internationally can find a higher-quality video, and those who are too lazy can just see it below.

    Chasers’ War on Sydney APEC Security

    Well, it had to happen didn’t it.

    The Federal and NSW Governments spent over $250m on securing the Sydney CBD for the ongoing 2007 APEC Summit.

    Two of the Chaser’s War on Everything guys, not only did they get waved through two checkpoints and posing as the Canadian motorcade, thy got as far as near Dubya’s hotel before being stopped, arrested and charged under the APEC Act.

    The APEC Act restricts people from being in the “secure area” without justification during the summit (a case of guilty until you prove yourself innocent?). Even the ABC’s own report states that they didn’t intend to get as far as they did.

    True, Chas being dressed up as Bin Laden during the stunt probably didn’t help, but is bloody funny.

    This incident is highly embarrasing for the police, federal and state governments who have essentially fallen for the old trick of Social Engineering to bypass Security measures. For example, the media are reporting that it was due to a “breakdown in communication”, but surely they could have checked to see if the Canadians were in town in the first place (the Canadian PM hasn’t even arrived in Australia yet).

    Of course, its not the only Security gaffe so far. Two “unauthorised” men were arrested for being in the hotel lobby when Dubya arrived. Two members of the Labor party were issued police passes for the security zone.

    With the global media (so far: CNN, el Reg via Reuters, Australian news.com.au, etc) already covering the story, I believe its likely that they will be made an example of when they front court in Early October.

    Hopefully, these minor gaffes will jolt the authorities into a proper state of alert, against real risks or threats. Personally, i can’t wait until next weeks’ episode of The Chaser as they’ll be taking the piss big time.

    We Wish England Was Australia…

    Australian Culture at its finest, on the road to the upcoming Rugby World Cup. Our local rum-maker, Bundaberg Rum, has come up with an advert with a load of English People wishing that England was Australia. And, of course, its Pom-Bashing at its finest. 😀

    Although Duncan MacLeod, on his TV adverts site, notes that the tune is sung to that of Jupiter, from the Planets Suite by Holst; English fans will also remember that it was also the Theme Tune to the 1999 Rugby World Cup broadcast on ITV, as well as many other World Cups; surely there is the implcit meaning in there that the Wallabies will totally whip the Poms on the field?