I wrote a joke about computers but it wasn’t the least bit funny.
Yesterday I was at my local Woolworths store buying a large bag of My Dog for my loyal pet; I was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So since I’m retired and have little to do on impulse I told her that no I didn’t have a dog I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in hospital last time but I’d lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter’s arse and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
I’m now banned from Woolworths. Better watch what you ask “Ivory Tower” Architects. We have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried wiping their backside with an Amazon Kindle.
[Filling out Health & Safety forms in the office]
I didn’t have the faintest idea as to why I passed out.
˙ʎɐqə uo pɹɐoqʎəʞ dɐəɥɔ ɐ ʎnq ı əɯıʇ ʇsɐl əɥʇ s’ʇɐɥʇ
I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.
That was a trip down memory lane.
A SQL query walks up to two tables in a bar and asks:
“Mind if I join you?”
“The condition of any backup is unknown until a restore is attempted.”
Why did Google Car switch from SHA1 to SHA512?
They wanted to reduce collisions.
With yesterday’s unsalted password dump at LinkedIn (seriously LinkedIn, wtf are you doing not salting your passwords?), the password dump of eHarmony and today’s suspected compromise at last.fm, this would be an ideal time to provide a service that tells the truth behind an eHarmony profile simply by matching email addresses and passwords.
For example you could enter an eHarmony profile ID in, and it would check the user’s LinkedIn and last.fm profiles. A sample output could be:
“Sorry love, you know that 28-year-old, dashing, handsome, eco-friendly power company executive who loves 80s and 90s ballads whilst sunset walks on the beach, kittens and surprise weekends away? He’s actually a married 45-year-old IT Support Executive who’s favourite hobby is being Waldorf on World of Warcraft (as per the Twitter feed connected to his LinkedIn account). His favourite bands are Slayer and Megadeath, but recently has been listening to the Eurovision Song Contest Dusseldorf 2011 CD … a lot.”
Not a bad idea, hey? Please send all revenues from this service, if you implement it, to one of my nominated charities. Or buy me a book from my Kindle Wish List.