Australian Banks’ Special Offer for their Loyal Customers

Shafted!Australian Banks are offering a free pencil sharpener in gratitude for the $36bn profit they got out of us last year. It’s designed to remind us of the friendly and even intimate relationship the banks have built up with the Australian public.

Just call into any branch. There’s a small collection fee of $54.70 (to cover admin and international market fluctuations) plus a hand delivery charge of $47.35. What great value!!!!

Lots of love, Barbara

Bye Bye Woolworths, Dick Smith, Big W, …

Today’s Rant of the Day has not been published as quick as I would like, but I only got around to ranting about it today. The target is Woolworths Limited and their decision to restrict customer choice in payment methods. (Watch out Senator Conroy, i’ve not finished with you yet).

The original plan was to fill up a trolley full of shopping – all the smallest packets possible – go through the checkout and try to pay with my Visa Debit card by pressing Credit. Of course Woolies now refuse this, forcing you to press Savings or Cheque – but not everybody has those functions on their Visa Debit Card. Cue ranting and storming out in a huff. But then i thought it wouldn’t be fair on those behind me in the queue (because they never have enough people working on shift), or the poor checkout chick who’s probably gone thorough this before.

So the target is their Head Office instead, using their ever-so-friendly website which allows you to cancel your Everyday Rewards card online.

I am cancelling my card in disgust at Woolworth’s recent policy change in refusing to accept Visa Debit cards as a Credit transaction.

By forcing me, the customer who pays your wages, to use a Debit transaction, you are forcing the payment to go via the EFTPOS network rather than the Visa network.

As a Credit Union customer, I get slammed on EFTPOS transactions because of the high charges that the major banks charge non-profit institutions like Credit Unions, unlike Visa or Mastercard charges. So this results in a transaction charge to me.

Woolworths may argue that it has the right to refuse payment methods. However you don’t have the right to tell me to switch my financial services provider to continue shopping at your store, which is what i have been told by your representatives.

I also have the right to boycott all Woolworths Limited’s stores, and to tell as many people as i can to do the same.

Good riddance, see you at Coles.

Simon

I wonder what Marketing-approved Standard Response I will receive? 😉

Evolution of Telephone Networks in Australia

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Melbourne scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Victorians, in the weeks that followed, a Sydney archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the Sydney Morning Herald read: “New South Wales archaeologists, finding traces of 130-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 30 years earlier than the Victorians”….

One week later, the Courier Mail in Brisbane, Queensland, reported the following:”After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Beenleigh, Queensland, John Brown, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely bugger all. John has therefore concluded that 130 years ago, Queensland had already gone wireless.

Just makes you proud to be a Queenslander!

A genuine joke from Queensland

It is well known that humour is regional, but this is the first joke that I can say is truly Queenslander:

At a national conference of the Australian Hotels Association, the general managers of Cascade Brewery
(Tasmania), Tooheys (New South Wales), XXXX (Queensland), CUB (Victoria) and Coopers (South Australia) found themselves sitting at the same table for lunch.

When the waitress asked what they wanted to drink, the GM of Tooheys said without hesitation, “I’ll have a Tooheys New..”

To which the boss of Coopers rejoined, “I’ll have a Coopers, the King of Beers.”

And the bloke from Cascade asked for “a Cascade, the cleanest draught on the planet.”

The General Manager of Carlton & United paused a moment and then placed his order: “VB.”

The head of XXXX smiled and said “I’ll have a Diet Coke.”

The others looked at him has if he had sprouted a new head.

“Well,” he said with a shrug, “if you poofters aren’t drinking beer, then neither will I.”

A Clean Joke For Once …

Well, kinda, but it did make me laugh non-stop for about 30 minutes. Shamelessly copied from Sickipedia:

Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Sydney. One day, the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Dave said, “man, I wish we had something to drink!”
Jim says, “me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?”

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed. The next morning, Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It’s Jim. Jim says, “hey, how do you feel this morning?”
Dave says, “I feel great, how about you?”
Jim says, “I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?”
Dave says, “No, that jet fuel is great stuff – no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.”

“Yeah, well there’s just one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Have you farted yet?”
“No.”
“Well, DON’T! ‘Cause I’m in fucking London!”