pingudownunder.com

(5 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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Most of you will know that I have recently moved away from my beloved Queensland out west, to work for a pommie-based banking group out of Western Austraia. Although I’m trying my best, i still don’t get or understand AFL, but am pleasently suprised that they play real rugby (i.e. Union) out here.

On the topic of rugby, albeit League, soon it will be time for State of Origin, where Queensland will most likely whip NSW yet again for the third year in a row. Of course, who can forget our glorious victories at Lang Park, as well as in Sydney, over the past two years.

Even more, for our cockroach friends south of the border, due to our elite sporting (and possibly drinking) prowess we still keep our initial takeover offer (mirror) open. But do hurry, the tide of Victorians still keeps moving North, and we do need your help to keep AFL away from the state (even though we got rid of the Kangaroos) - and don’t forget, they’re going for West Sydney too …

written by Simon Harvey \\ tags: australia, culture, new south wales, queensland, rugby league, state of origin

(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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Further proof that “GayFL” isn’t a real sport - a pissed Aussie footy fan in Thailand asks for tattoo to celebrate the Geelong Cats gaining the 2007 AFL Premiership … and gets tattooed on his arm the classic words “RIGHT ARM. GAY PREMIERS 2007″. Yep. And his other one says “LEFT ARM”.

Arf! Arf! Arf!

written by Simon Harvey \\ tags: australia, culture, gAyFL

(8 votes, average: 4.38 out of 5)

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I always wanted to find an fucking excuse for fucking swearing on my blog. And now thanks to digg I’ve fucking found one. There’s a great fucking article at TNR on Why We Curse, adding to the debate from a psycological and historical perspective. Fucking brilliant.

Here in Australia swearing is part of the national psyche, culture and language. Who can forget the Where The Bloody Hell Are You? tourism campaign (you can see the original uncensored advert online) that caused so much controversy across the world due to the use of the word Bloody (the word is standard language here and is not even a swear word)? It even got the advert banned in the UK, and the bloody Yanks tried to ban it, but in an act of pure bloody genius, Tourism Australia made the news headlines across the world with the advert and so got the advert played for free on all of the news channels, including the BBC.

Of course, Aussies thought this was hilarious and spoofed it themselves, as you can see here, on the Chasers’ War on the ABC, for the traditional Pom*-bashing when getting ready for the Ashes 2007 Series (btw … 5-0 … lol) and in a recent advert for Chicken Kiev where a young girl shows how she learned how to swear.

Of course we do have standards -its very rare you’ll hear the “c” word anywhere, but everywhere you go you will hear people refering to others as fuckwits or telling them to ga’an get facked mate.

* Pom is Australian for “English Person” and not a racist term, but part of the language. Much debate exists on its origin, but its commonly accepted to stand for “Prisoner of Her Majesty” or “Prisoner of Mass Origin”. But, to be honest, its more accurate just to say that its just an acronym for the full phrase Whinging Pommy Bastard.

written by Simon Harvey \\ tags: adverts, australia, culture, language, pombashing

(4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5)

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and another one that I got sent, to follow on from yesterday …

Application for Grant of Australian Citizenship

You must answer 75% (28 or more out of 37) of these questions correctly in order to qualify for Australian Citizenship

1. How many slabs can you fit in the back of a Falcon Ute while also allowing room for your cattle dog?
2. When packing an Esky do you put the ice, or the beer, in first?
3. Is the traditional Aussie Christmas dinner:
   1. At least two roasted meats with roast vegetables, followed by a pudding you could use as a cannonball. Also ham. In 40C heat.
   2. A seafood buffet followed by a barbie, with rather a lot of booze. And ham. In 40C heat.
   3. Both of the above, one at lunchtime and one at dinnertime. Weather continues fine.
4. How many beers in a slab?
5. You call that a knife, this is a knife. True or False?
6. Does yeah-nah mean:
   1. “Yes and no”
   2. “Maybe”
   3. “Yes I understand but No I don’t agree”?

Continue reading »

written by Simon Harvey \\ tags: australia, citizenshipexam, culture, humour

(4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5)

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Now that Australia has introduced a Citizenship Exam (presumably to stop freaks that refuse to adopt the local culture and way of life like this fuckwit) , there has been widespread public concern about what is being tested, especially as most Aussies have no bloody idea what most of the answers would be. More information can be found in the Government’s Official Guide, but prospective Australians should also be prepared for questions such as the following:

1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term died in the arse?
2. What is a bloody little beauty?
3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?
4. Explain the following passage: In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo.
5. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?
6. Complete the following sentences:
   a) ‘If the van’s rockin’ don’t bother ____ ?
   b) You’re going home in the back of a ____ ?
   c) Fair crack of the ____ ?
7. I’ve had a gutful and I can’t be fagged. Discuss
8. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?
9. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard ‘up on blocks’? Is his name Bruce and does he have a wife called Cheryl?
10. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?
11. What are the ingredients in a rissole?
12. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.
13. Do you have an Aunty Irene who smokes 30 cigarettes a day and sounds like a bloke?
14. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else’s beer that has been flogged from a bath full of ice?
15. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people’s meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?
16. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter ‘b’ is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?
17. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?
18. Is it possible to ‘prang a car’ while doing ‘circle work’?
19. Who would you like to crack on to?
20. Who is the most Australian: Kevin ‘Bloody’ Wilson, John ‘True Blue’ Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?
21. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool?
22. What does sinkin piss at a mates joint and getten para mean?

written by Simon Harvey \\ tags: australia, citizenshipexam, culture